1. Prepare Yourself First
| What to do | Why it helps |
|---|---|
| Clarify the specific behaviours you’ve seen (missed deadlines, forgetting appointments, difficulty staying on a task). | Concrete examples make the problem tangible without sounding vague or judgmental. |
| Gather reliable resources (lists of therapists who specialize in attention/ADHD, brief videos, articles). | Removes the “I don’t know where to start” barrier and shows you’re ready to help. |
| Choose a calm, private moment when neither of you is rushed or stressed. | A relaxed setting reduces defensiveness and signals respect for his space. |
Evidence: Choosing the right time and setting, and preparing concrete observations, are repeatedly recommended as the first step to a successful conversation 123.
2. Start the Conversation with Empathy
Use “I” statements – frame the concern around your feelings:
“I’ve noticed you’ve been having trouble focusing lately, and I’m worried because I care about you.”
Express unconditional support – let him know you’re there no matter what:
“I’m not trying to tell you what to do; I just want to help you feel better.”
Validate his perspective – acknowledge any skepticism:
“I understand you might think therapy won’t help, and that’s a common feeling.”
Why: “I” statements and validation lower the chance of a defensive reaction and build trust 135.
3. Show the Real‑World Impact
- Mention specific incidents you’ve observed (e.g., “You missed the deadline for that project, and it seemed to stress you out”).
- Connect the issue to areas he cares about (work performance, school grades, relationships, personal stress).
Why: Highlighting concrete consequences helps him see the need for change without feeling judged 12.
4. Normalize Professional Help
- Compare therapy to a medical check‑up: “Just like you’d see a doctor for a persistent cough, a therapist can help with attention challenges.”
- Share success stories (yours or others’) that illustrate real improvement.
- Emphasize that many people seek help for focus issues (ADHD, anxiety, executive‑function deficits) and benefit from it 245.
5. Offer Practical, Low‑Barrier Support
| Practical help | Example phrasing |
|---|---|
| Research together – “I found a few therapists who specialize in focus and attention; want to look at them together?” | Shows you’re sharing the load. |
| Help with logistics – “I can call the office for you, or drive you to the first appointment if you’d like.” | Reduces anxiety about the unknown. |
| Suggest a trial session – “How about a single, no‑obligation consultation to see if it feels right?” | Lowers perceived risk. |
| Provide self‑education material – short articles, podcasts, or apps on attention strategies. | Allows him to explore at his own pace. |
Why: Removing logistical and psychological barriers dramatically increases the likelihood of follow‑through 689.
6. Handle Resistance Gracefully
- Listen without interrupting – let him voice concerns (cost, stigma, past bad experiences).
- Acknowledge his feelings – “I hear that you’re worried about the time it might take.”
- Avoid ultimatums or pressure – “I respect that you need time to think about this.”
- Leave the door open – “Whenever you feel ready, I’m here to help you take the next step.”
If his focus problems are severely impairing his life (e.g., job loss, safety risks), consider consulting a professional yourself for advice on how to intervene safely 10.
7. Follow‑Up Without Nagging
- Check in after a few days: “How are you feeling about looking into a therapist?”
- Celebrate small wins: praise any effort he makes, even if it’s just reading an article.
- Re‑offer assistance if he hesitates again, but keep the tone supportive, not pushy.
Why: Gentle, periodic reminders keep the idea alive without creating pressure 69.
8. Take Care of Yourself
- Set boundaries so you don’t become overly stressed.
- Seek your own support (friends, a counselor, or a support group for families).
- Remember that you cannot force an adult to seek treatment; your role is to offer information and love 39.
Quick Script You Might Use
“Hey, I’ve noticed you’ve been struggling to stay focused on work lately, and I’m worried because I care about you. I’ve read that talking to a therapist who specializes in attention issues can really help people get tools to manage that. I’ve already looked up a few options and can help schedule the first appointment or go with you if you’d like. No pressure—just an option whenever you feel ready.”
Key take‑aways
- Empathy first – use “I” statements and validate his feelings.
- Be specific – cite real examples of how focus problems affect his life.
- Normalize help – frame professional support as a normal, strength‑based step.
- Offer concrete assistance – research, logistics, trial session.
- Respect autonomy – stay patient, keep the conversation open, and protect your own wellbeing.